Five Times Fic
by Baileys
Summary: Four times Peter and Neal hug. And the one time they use their words. Sort of.
1. The First Time

The **first time.**

 **Neal:**

The first time it happened Neal didn't know what to do with his hands. The action so foreign and unexpected he completely froze up, limbs rigid at his side, mouth hanging open with nothing but air coming out. It occurred to him later, when the drama had past and he'd had time to process the trauma of the day over a nice dinner and Pinot Noir, that being hugged should not be a big deal. Should not render a person incapable of speech, thought or movement. But that's exactly what happened. And for a man whose livelihood relied upon his ability to improvise and think on his feet, it felt like a personal failure.

It wasn't until much later that same evening, during some intense drunken over analysis with Mozzie, that he realised what his main issue really was.

He just hadn't seen it coming.

Once the scary part of the sting was over, after the FBI had swarmed the building and finished shooting it out with the bad guys, Jones offered his hand and helped him up from his hiding place behind a stack of wooden crates. Neal put up a good show for anyone watching. Busied himself brushing warehouse dust off his jacket, hiding the tremors in his hands and plastering a wide yet disgruntled smile on his face. Finishing his performance by making grumblings about the FBI owing him for the dry-cleaning bill. Neal was convincing enough by the end of it even he believed a bullet sailing a bare inch from his head in spectacular fashion wasn't a big deal.

Peter however was not so easily convinced.

He'd been overseeing the take down in the van, so it had taken slightly longer to reach them. But Neal watched Peter storm down the narrow passage between the bullet damaged crates of contraband cigars and smuggled Grecian antiquities, expression tight, stride quick and purposeful. At first, he feared it was going to be another Pierce and Jade elephant debacle, where their target escaped and despite the odds being insurmountably stacked against him, it was still going to be all his fault. Peter was going to yell at him for not keeping the bad guys where the FBI could arrest them, and Neal would be forced to verbally defend himself, pointing out once again, he wasn't invincible.

Now, Neal would love nothing more than for Peter to believe him when he says he's had as many cons go south as they have been successful, that the legends of his crimes are far more fantastical than the reality. Truth be told he's had less guns pulled on him in all his years as a con artist and thief than in his few short months as an FBI C.I. Prison was actually starting to look like the safer option. The very thought made him shudder. Neal does _not_ like guns. It's no secret, but he doesn't need anyone noticing how unsettled he is around them to actually ask why he doesn't like them, hence the playing down and misdirection he'd engage in with Jones.

Neal has no problem misleading people, or even out right lying to them if that's what the game calls for, but he never lies without purpose and not once has he lied to Peter Burke. So, with a very pissed off Peter bearing down on him, Neal didn't have a clue how to cover and make everything appear okay when it so very clearly wasn't. In fact, he was concentrating so hard on coming up with a plan to misdirect that when they locked gazes Neal just stared back, eyes watering, chest heaving, breathing deep and noisy.

He was so dazed he didn't so much see Peter's intention, as feel the arms reaching around his back, squeezing him like a cheap carnival toy. Arms splayed and hanging limp at his side, by the time his brain engaged to respond Peter had let go and was shouting at him, calling him an idiot for not using the safe word the second he saw the gun. Neal wanted to point out, like the hug, there really was very little warning, but it gets stuck on his tongue. Lecture delivered Peter moved on like nothing was out of the ordinary, dragging Neal with him out of the warehouse and to their car. Taking him home for nice dinner and a large glass of Pinot Noir.

 **Peter:**

On edge doesn't even begin to describe how Peter feels listening in on Jones coordinating the take down from inside the warehouse. The second shots start flying he's out of the van and running towards the sound of gunfire, unable to do anything other than listen to the chaos erupt over the audio feed. It had been clear on entering the warehouse Neal was approached by two of their suspects. What wasn't known until it was too late was the gun pointed at his face. Neal didn't utter a word to communicate the danger he was in and frankly if he wasn't already collateral damage in an op gone south, Peter was going to kill him!

Storming his way through the narrow aisles filled with crates, heart thumping in his chest, fearing what he might find, Peter's starting to understand what Hughes had tried to warn him about. Until taking Caffrey's deal he'd only been responsible for himself, answerable to others, a team player sure, but all the time knowing everyone on his team had the same level of training he did. Caffrey had no training. Caffrey didn't even know how to defend himself in a fight, let alone one that involved automatic weapons. He was scrappy if pushed hard enough, but didn't have the skill set or know how to truly hold his own physically. In all the time Peter had been chasing him Neal had always relied on his charm and mouth to fight for him, and when that failed, _he ran_.

By the time Peter lays eyes on him Jones already has the area secure and situation under control. Having been helped off the floor Neal's none the worse for wear, brushing dust off his suit and mumbling about dry-cleaning expenses. Jones accepts his aloofness at face value and walks away, but Peter's not fooled. He notes the shaking, sees through that too bright smile and in an instant Peter's anger switches out, sympathy taking its place. Neal's deep and measured breaths, chest heaving with the effort of maintaining control is a dead giveaway that the kid had been scared, and damn straight he should be. But it's his wide wet eyes that can't break away from Peter's that melt any lingering feelings of annoyance. His own heart still pounding way too fast, Peter knocks away hands held out intended to placate and envelopes Neal in a tight hug. A quick squeeze and release to forestall any nervous chatter and still those shaking limbs. Stepping back without letting go, Peter finds Neal staring at him, speechless and bugged eyed, looking more than a little shell shocked. Bullets flying past your head can do that. Peter adds extra pressure to the arm still held within his grasp, watching the confused frown relax into a shy smile the longer the silence stretches on.

Hughes warned him. Told him having a C.I was like having a child. Someone who was his responsibility, his to look after and keep safe. Peter wasn't a father, didn't understand what a monumental responsibility it was until the first time Neal had a gun pointed at him and Peter felt that now all too familiar nauseous feeling which lingered long after the danger had passed. They may be White Collar, but they get their fair share of attempted shootings just like this one. Neal obviously didn't know what a rarity he was when they were chasing him around the world and Peter shelves any idea of enlightening him. Instead he drags the silent and surprisingly compliant Neal out to the car, taking him home to let El feed him.

He waits until dessert to deliver what is becoming his standard lecture, calmly listing all the stupid reasons for not using the safe word the second the sting was compromised. The kid sits and listens, blinking furiously into his wine and Peter makes a mental note to log what happened today. If he had known showing Neal a little kindness and affection would render him speechless and induce compliance he'd have tried it as a tactic years ago.


	2. The Second Time

**The Second Time**

 **Neal:**

The second time Neal fully expected Peter to go running. The famous cowboy up line being Peter's go to tried and tested response to any show of emotion not his own. He said as much when trying to clear El's friend's husband of the Iraqi gold theft. Sitting at that table, Neal had to shrug and agree when Peter had talked about women crying and being okay with Neal crying because he knew how to handle him. So, when the shit hits the fan and Neal loses it he doesn't know where to turn. Everything is so raw; his life is crumbling and no one wants him. Maybe not even Kate. Because though he's saying it isn't true there's doubt that thinks maybe Peter's right. And damn it if that doesn't squeeze his chest tighter. He may have screwed up a great thing with Peter. May have been a total idiot in his relationship with Kate.

He closes his eyes tight, willing everything to just stop hurting. Hands take hold of his and Neal can't help it, he flinches, pulling away on instinct. But the hands are having none of it. They tighten their grip and pull him in closer, guiding his sobbing eyes to one very solid shoulder. Peter's warm and welcoming and his arms as they wrap around his back are secure. There are no awkward words or clumsily hesitation. Just large hands holding him steady and warm words whispered in his ear. Peter calls him kid and shushes gently, telling him everything's going to be alright. He cries harder. Not for what he lost today. He cries for what he thinks he's found. Neal only wishes this can last forever.

 **Peter:**

Neal turns away trying to stop the tears and oh god if that just doesn't break him. Peter's never been a hard-hearted guy. He doesn't like to watch others fall apart, but despite his uncomfortableness around kids and crying woman somehow with Neal its okay. He knows Neal and he knows what to do to make him happy. He doesn't need to know the details of his past to spot the signs of an emotionally neglected kid under all that charm and bravado- okay El might have helped him connect the dots on that one, give what he saw a name - but point is he saw it and he wanted to help. Neal's obviously embarrassed and lost, with no idea how to ask for help, so Peter doesn't make him. They are friends, they are partners and Neal is his responsibility. It feels like Neal's always been his.

As always it seems, like there has never not been a time he hasn't been there, Peter swoops in, takes trembling hands in his and expecting the fight is prepared to counter and pulls the kid close. Resting Neal's head on his shoulder, under his chin, he's the perfect height to rest against Peter without causing either of them to take an awkward position. Neal stops his struggles and all but falls against him. Peter holds on and whispers in his ear, telling the kid over and over that everything's going to be okay until shaking stops and he believes it.


	3. The Third Time

**The Third Time**

 **Neal:**

The third time it happened Neal was better prepared. He'd been unfortunate enough to end up a hostage of a very jittery mortgage broker who had taken to a little fraud on the side. Then a lot of fraud after he got away with it a few times. But everybody gets caught eventually. Neal knows, has learnt his lesson the hard way.

Not unlike the Neal of four years ago Benjamin Watts of Gramercy Park had gotten used to a lifestyle he was ill-equipped to maintain. Neal also knows that all cons come to an end. They aren't reality, they never were. Neal tells this to Benjamin as he swings the .45 back and forth between the pretty blonde bank teller and a mother with her young son crouched low by the cashier desk. He knows Peter and Jones can hear, are listening in from the van. Knows he's revealing way too much of his own state of mind than he would normally allow, but he can't con Ben out of a con. His best bet to get everyone out alive was to tell Ben the truth and hope his assessment of him was right, that he didn't want to hurt anyone. He was just a desperate guy, who wanted a better life. Not unlike Neal, who's spent the last ten years trying to erase the first eighteen. There's no hope for him, his whole childhood was a con, so doesn't see why his adult life should be any different. Ben has a chance though; all this is just a bad decision that got out of hand, he can still turn things around. Neal even offers to show him the way.

A con mans life, he explains in broad terms to his audience of gunman, hostages and FBI agents, is lonely. Attachment to others is fleeting. Or others attachment to him was at any right. Not even his own mother wanted to stick around. He committed his first punishable crime at the grand age of eight and hasn't looked back, in fact it was feeling strange to be part of something as solid and stable as White Collar. He's worked with others, Mozzie and Alex mostly, but when pulling a heist, they all bring something to the table, work separately towards a common goal. White Collar is different, the comradery and team ethos infectious. Trust and friendship go hand in hand. The feeling of family at the core.

"I have friends now. I have people in my life that care about me." Neal holds out his hand. "My friend's name is Peter. Put the gun down and I'll take you to him. He'll help you just like he helped me. I swear he's your best chance to get out of this."

The second Ben puts the gun down Neal feels an overwhelming sense of relief. He was pretty sure Ben wasn't going to shoot them all as he threatened, but that didn't stop him being happy and surprised his instincts were correct.

Peter enters first through the door, and Neal's prepared for the yelling. It's Peter's usual way of expressing concern. He doesn't disappoint. Next Neal knows by now comes the gentle hug, or hair ruffle, both if he's feeling particularly generous. As predicted Peter claps him on the shoulder and pulls him close, but what surprises Neal is the smile, Peter looks… Proud. Neal's not used to such a look being aimed his way, from anyone. Impressed, most definitely, but the only one who's ever really been proud of him is himself. Proud of his achievements at least. It throws him slightly, so much Neal feels a nervous smile turn up his lips. Peter sees, he has to, but he doesn't comment, instead he tells Neal he's earned the gelato Elizabeth's made for him. Neal doesn't question why Peter's wife has taken to wanting to feed him, but doesn't complain. He likes the spontaneous way Peter shows he cares, makes him feel like someone worth sticking around for. He also likes Elizabeth's gelato.

 **Peter:**

They listen from the van, can do nothing else. Swarming in could get everyone killed. Neal's talking and as usual he's doing a good job. After several minutes Peter sends Jones and Diana to organise the agents and NYPD outside the bank. Peter stays, turns off the recorder and just listens, because Peter starts to believe this is not a con. This is real. And Neal had been exposed enough through his work with them, had endured more than his fair share of torment and tragedy for such a young life. It didn't need to be shared around the office like something juicy to talk about while the coffee percolated.

Of course, he knows Neal's an excellent liar, but there's something in his tone, in the hesitancy of his words when he speaks about the friends he has, the family he's found that feels real. A little of him hopes it means Neal really does want a more stable life. Wants to be a different person from the one he grew up to be. Peter isn't arrogant enough to believe he and Elizabeth are all it's going to take for Neal to truly go straight, but they are a damn good start, paving the way, showing him he can be more, more than an outsider reliant on his own lies and deceptions to get by.

The gun goes down and Peter launches out of the van. Walking through the doors he finds Neal looking rattled but in one piece, and for once he doesn't want to ball him out or make him feel bad. He's proud of Neal and makes sure this time he tells as well as shows it. For words can be lies to Neal and although Peter will teach him to trust words eventually, for now he takes Neal in a hug to prove just how proud he really is, smiling brightly promising him ice cream. If he and Elizabeth are the key to Neal staying out of jail then he has a bigger job ahead of him than he ever realised.


	4. The fourth Time

**The Fourth Time**

 **Neal:**

The fourth time Neal initiates it. The man formally known to them as Sam leaves and Peter asks if he's okay and he says he isn't. One deep breath and the mask slips into place. He wants to focus on Ellen. Avenging Ellen, making sure the right person pays for her death and as much as he could blame James Bennett he knows the only one to blame is the person who pulled the trigger. Decision made Neal's vision clears, the tears held back once again, but in doing so he sees clearly the sorrowful look on Peter's face. If Neal had been paying attention he'd have known he's had that look for a while now, one that said he's known the truth all along, just been waiting for Neal to stop being slow and catch up.

Neal's quiet and Peter's watching. Agreeing in that soft way without saying anything. He can see the dam's ready to break, is respecting his need to distract, move on, refocus. If there's one thing Neal Caffrey is good at its refocusing. Not dealing with the problem means he won't feel the problem. It'll sit, dormant, until a random event or word brings the emotion locked within to the surface, then the flood gates will open and Neal will cry himself to sleep, alone, just as he's always done.

Something snaps inside of him, a sharp glancing pain through his chest and out his back. A feeling deep inside, heavy and insistent, a feeling that shouts _No!_ with every fibre of his being. He suddenly doesn't want to do as he's always done. Things have changed these past couple of years. Neal's changed. Now he's breaking from the inside out, being torn apart, shredded into tiny pieces. What he wants and what he has is no longer black and white, no longer a simple matter of finding and taking. It hits him now that what he wants has been their all along, Neal's just been looking in the wrong direction.

Charging forward this isn't the first time Neal's run to Peter instead of away. It is the first time he's ran with no plan, no greater purpose in mind than to just be near the man who somewhere along Neal's solitary existence had come to provide that which Neal has desperately been seeking all his life. Flinging arms around the broad shoulders Neal ignores the lack of surprise on Peter's face. He feels weak and young and like a complete idiot for not seeing what everyone else saw sooner. He's been horrible to those closest to him and by all rights they shouldn't have the time of day for him anymore, let alone comfort him as he cries in his arm. A thought that only makes him cry harder.

Neal thinks about all the times Peter's stood by him, all the times he hasn't. He thinks about how needy he's become since leaving prison. Neal never really thought about how hard it would be living on the outside after four years of being dependant on someone else for all his needs. He was arrogant and foolish, all his thoughts focused on reclaiming his life with Kate. No thought to how that life would actually work. Peter knew though, didn't he? That's why he's always been there, a consistent presence. Feeling the warm hand running up and down his back it suddenly all falls into place. Peter's not perfect, no one is, but he's been trying to be what Neal needs, trying to be there to catch him when he falls. Not to coddle but to teach, to show him there's a better way.

Neal decides it no longer bothers him that Peter doesn't trust him to make good life choices, it no longer feels like a betrayal that Peter takes decisions about how he leads his life out of his hands. It's okay that Neal can't keep a secret from Peter. Any secret. Peter is all knowing as far as Neal's concerned and in the end, that's okay too.

 **Peter:**

It's comfort Neal wants and it's comfort he gets. The second he steps forward Peter knows what's going to happen. He's pleased, proud even, but keeps the emotions off his face until the brunette head is safely hidden against his shoulder. No need to confuse the kid by looking happy at his tears. Just two days ago Neal had been giving him the cold shoulder, throwing him out of his life and no longer wanting the home and family on offer. One shooting and a DNA test later, and they're back to the standard status-que. Or at least a version of it.

He's silent at first, trembling, but when Peter returns the hold, the trembling turns into full blown shakes. The apologies tumble out, he can't stop. A torrential downpour of _I'm sorry's_ to rival the actual downpour outside. The tears come thick and fast, and with them some other words that Peter can't quite make out. _Sorry_ is repeated over and over again, bringing tears to Peter's already bright eyes. Hearing Neal so broken, begging to be forgiven for simply wanting to believe what was right in front of him. Out of all the mistakes the kid has made in his so far short life, Peter can't help but think there's so much more Neal needed to apologize for in the grand scheme of things.

Pushing thoughts of past alleged transgressions aside Peter calmly runs one hand through the kid's hair, the other up and down his spine, trying to ease the hiccupping sobs and steady his breathing.

"Grab your stuff," Peter breaths into his ear. "I'm taking you home tonight."


	5. One time they use their words Sort of

**And the one time Neal says it out loud and Peter hears**

 **Peter:**

Neal had left the watch on. Peter had left his laptop on, which had automatically connected and started broadcasting live. El didn't know what it was until she heard first Neal's, then James' voice. She called Peter down.

He went to turn it off but El stopped him. Listening. Peter didn't feel comfortable. It wasn't right. But El shushed him as he opened his mouth. They could hear James. Trying to convince Neal to cut him out of the loop. Withhold the location of Ellen's box of secrets. Neal was having none of it.

" _I can't do that to Peter."_

Peter felt a warmth stir inside him at hearing the conviction in those words, he thought he knew Neal well enough that he wouldn't totally double cross him, but hearing confirmation made the bubble of doubt pop. Then the conversation got heated. James wasn't giving up. It made Peter very uneasy. He didn't trust James, never had, but for Neal's sake since the DNA results he's kept his continued misgivings to himself. Wanting Neal to be happy. What was happening now didn't sound happy. James kept pushing. Neal pushed back. Neal was vulnerable to others, could be convinced to do just about of anything if given reason- Mozzie knew that and wielded his power sparingly thank God. James clearly had no such filter. There was no _for his own good_ intent here. It was all for James. Peter knew in that moment he wanted to crush him.

" _I'm not doing this without him."_ Neal's voice screams down the feed. James returns with some bullshit, but Neal interrupts him and his next words stop every working cell in Peter's body. _"He's been more of a father to me than you ever were."_

Even without seeing him Peter could tell via the silence the impact of that statement.

Same on this end. Peter could barely breathe. All this time he knew they were partners, there was a level of trust between them, but Peter never dared believe Neal truly understood how much it hurt when Neal let him down. Turns out he did know. He got it.

The silence following those words, it's deafening, in both houses. But it's what Neal says next that truly seals it for Peter.

" _We're doing this with Peter."_

Something else unfurls. A serene sensation filling him from centre out. Neal is a master manipulator, but also so very easy to manipulate. He's a people pleaser, can be swayed in any direction if pulled hard enough. Peter's seen it time and time again, with Mozzie, victims on cases, even El has used that desperation to be wanted to get what she wanted. Peter's never blamed her for that. She was just as desperate as Neal. And in knowing this about him Peter felt for sure if James Bennett demanded it Neal would deliver. After all James is the reason Neal Caffrey is a people pleaser. The con-artist is on Neal, plenty of kids experience tragic childhoods, they don't naturally go on to break the law. But the desire to be wanted? That's James. All James. He made a choice and threw his family to the wayside. A three-year-old who had no understanding of life beyond his parents was suddenly without. Peter's never been good around kids, but somehow, he feels he'd have been good with Neal.

"Hon?" Elizabeth touches his arm, the look in her eye suggests she's been trying to get his attention for a while. "I think someone's going to need company tonight."

Peter grabs his jacket from the coat rack at the bottom of the stairs. "We'll pick up take-out on our way home."

 **Neal:**

James leaves. Neal feels the tears and blinks them back. He thinks about the words he spoke. The first _honest_ words he's probably ever spoken. But that's not what's causing his emotions to get out of whack. It's his Dad's answer, the words James used in response. They sounded hollow. Like the words Neal speaks to those he doesn't know. Telling people what they want to hear to get what he wants or to get them to go away. It's a skill Neal thought he learnt to survive, but now he wonders. Nature or nurture? What truly makes us who we are? Maybe Peter's wrong, maybe he isn't good at heart. He allows a chuckle, but it comes out wet and his chest aches and he knows, he _knows_ his Dad is conning him. He said he was proud, and after so long of wondering, it made him giddy with delight, but it means nothing from a man who hardly knows him. Hasn't cared to know him until now, when there's something he wants, when the evidence box is in play.

There's a knock at the door, and Neal opens his mouth to tell whoever it is to go away but Peter's already walking through the door.

" _Jesus_ are you a telepath now,"

"That's a nice greeting." Peter chuckles. "You okay?"

Neal wipes all hint of a reaction off his face, but this is Peter and Peter sees everything, so he thinks he shouldn't bother.

"Am I interrupting?"

Odd question for Peter to ask, Neal shakes his head and asks what he's doing there this late. Not in a rude way, but Neal's still shaken from his confession about his perceived parentage and frankly didn't know what might come out of his mouth next. It was truth unfiltered and that wasn't like him. Neal was scared what it meant.

"I came back for the watch." Peter points heedlessly, "need to check it back in."

Neal blinks, looks to his wrist thinking as an excuse Peter's putting little effort into convincing him. But the gold GPS watch glints, still on his wrist. Still transmitting. Oh. _Oh._

He looks up. Fear unhidden. Bad enough he just said what he said out loud, to a man whom he's been looking for most of his life. But for Peter to hear? For his friend to know that their relationship is unbalanced, that Neal looks to him as more than someone to share his life with, that without Peter Neal doesn't think he'd have a life. Peter looks like Peter still, so maybe he didn't hear? Then Neal remembers Peter knows everything and isn't that just perfect.

"You okay?"

Neal was wrong. He sees it now. The nervousness, the unsureness that isn't Peter. Is only Peter when it's something he didn't know, or at least hadn't really believed until he did. _Oh shit_. He heard. Neal swallows.

"Yeah I'm okay." Neal smiles watery and weak. "I'm kinda glad your here."

He's wrung out and after everything that's happened this month, hell this year its been such a rollercoaster, but Peter heard and Peter's here, which means _…. I'm not going to cry_ … which means-

"Neal, what's wrong?"

Neal laughs through the tears that he doesn't want to let go but fall anyway. He's right in what he said to James. Peter has been more of a father to him, than anyone. Without even realising it. Time for another moment of honesty, before they regress back to old roles and the truth gets buried in subtext and small signs of affection that mean the world to Neal without him ever having realised before.

"I've got some news. I think we found the evidence box..."


End file.
